The Nashville US Air Guitar Qualifier went off like a sexy explosion on Saturday. It was a benefit for Notes for Notes, which is a nonprofit that helps kids get access to music instruction and instruments (whether that includes air guitars is not known). So they're already better than the rest of us - they rocked for good, and the rest of us just rocked for beer and glory (and world peace). But wait - it gets better.
First off, this may be the only air guitar competition to have a rain delay. Boston competitors and fans may recall that it was pissing down rain when our qualifier was contested - a friend of mine chose not to attend because it was a "hurricane" and "people are being encouraged to stay home" (both false... he was being a baby). So I thought we had the rainstorm situation covered. Apparently not. Nashville looked like someone was emptying out a bucket over it. But it quieted down and they were able to start the competition.
This was put together by defending Nashville champ and pervy mustache aficionado Thunder Stroock, and MC'd by the defending Miss Tennessee! Well, it was... until she high-tailed it out of there the minute the leg humping started. Of course there was leg humping. Haven't you been paying attention? Anyway, she obviously did not know what she got herself into, and spooked and ran off and didn't come back. Her stated reason for leaving was that she can't tolerate the F-word. It's air guitar, friends. There are going to be F-words. So Thunder Stroock took it on from there, and promoter Michael Vucovich stepped in as the MC.
photo credit Cleoplectra
This was about 2 minutes before Miss Tennessee took a hike.
They got crazy and invented a battle-royale round to pick the order of competition, which I don't really understand the mechanics of but it sounds cool. Apparently they would have a couple people at a time rocking out to the same song, and the victor got... the better slot? To pick their own slot? I don't know exactly. But it made for some cool photos, which you can see by visiting Mary Beth Blankenship, their photographer's, photo album on Facebook (it's public).
Walk-ons and new competitors were once again the story of the day. One competitor was named Poop Foot, and if no one wants to tell me how he got that name, I'll die happy. Also Senora Peggy Hill did the King of the Hill theme song (and dressed the part!), which is awesome, but I worry whether she's boxed herself in vis-a-vis next year. Solid scores all around, no one getting The Bone (for an explanation of The Bone, please see the US Air Guitar recap of San Francisco) but no one blowing the doors off either. Things started to ramp up with the arrival of yet another Power Chord Power Couple (tm), Cleoplectra - who is with child, ok - and Van Dammage. They both pulled down some 5.8s, serious scores, and then the scores ice seemed to have been broken since some other competitors, including the unbelievably real-named new competitor James Roquemore, were routinely cracking the 5.7 barrier. Seriously, that's his real name. Dude was born for this.
The compulsory round consisted of Cleoplectra, Van Dammage, James Roquemore, Chap David Markman, Shorty McShred, and Betty Rampage (whose name I love - is she a derby skater? The name plus the very serious kneepads are tipping me off). The Hat of Doom method was in full force once again, so competitors could either opt to pick from the hat, or do the same song as the last person. Songs ranged from Metallica to Electric Six's "Gay Bar," which caused Van Dammage to pour a beer down his pants and get all up on some dude... for the win. He and second-place finisher James Roquemore will be going to the DC US Air Guitar Semi-Finals on July 19th!
Intrigued? Think you can totally do this? Considering signing up next year?
