Like many women involved in competitive air guitar, there's been something on my mind for ages. Years, really. And it came to a head at the National Finals this year, when an argument broke out between the judging table and a competitor about how judges talk about the women they are judging. Most of what I've had in mind was there for a long time, simmering and making me grit my teeth or roll my eyes or just confusing me to death. But having spoken with a few other ladies, I'm going to branch out a little.
First off: Under no circumstances do I want anyone reading this to think I am unhappy about any scores I've ever gotten or try to read this that way. I'm not trying to make a case for myself. I know exactly how talented I am (not very) and if my scores reflect that, well and good. There's more to life, however, than good scores. Second, related: it's very hard to speak up and complain about something that does or could affect you personally - the risk of being taken as self-interested or whiny is very real, and in less friendly circles, stops a lot of people from sticking up for themselves. I have confidence that this is not that sort of circle, and I really hope my confidence is not misplaced.
Something I've thought about for a while is that women seem to be still considered a novelty in US Air Guitar (at least - I don't know about any other country's experience and I've never been to the World Championships). My evidence for this runs from the mundane to the depressing. For goodness' sake, USAG has never even made women's size t-shirts! It's not like there are a couple women scattered about the country. The numbers don't lie. 15 women this year qualified through to a semi-final; 4 more women hosted a qualifier in their town. The ranks of competitors are increasingly filled with women, and those women are winning their qualifiers and advancing onwards; they're organizing and judging events; they're filling the crowd and cheering for their friends. It simply doesn't make sense to ignore or marginalize women who do air guitar.
T-shirts, ok, that's mundane. I guess I could just buy a men's shirt (I haven't - that t-shirt revenue has been lost) and have it fit weirdly, but it wouldn't be likely they would offer only women's shirts, because they would fit men weirdly. You see where I'm coming from.
But let's talk about some more serious stuff. Let's talk about how women's bodies and sexuality are considered in this sport, versus those of men. I want to be clear here. I am not saying "Someone made a rude comment about my body and that creeped me out" even though I would have every right to say that if that occurred. What I am going to talk about here is that the crude sexual comments are nearly universally directed at women, even when male competitors use sexuality in their routines as well. If a judge is put off by sexy moves - if they feel that sexy moves are unnecessary and a distraction from actual skill - which of course is a perfectly valid stance to take, then they're unnecessary no matter who does them. I could list off half a dozen men who writhe and grind while they perform, all of them very talented, and that nearly never is a reason to score them down or even reprimand them from the judges' table.
I was a spectator and a hanger-on for 4 years before I started performing. I saw a lot of women get judged before taking the stage myself. And I knew that one of the comments I could expect to receive would be focused on my body. I am not... without boobs. Air guitar is going to lead to some jumping around and some leaning over, that's just a given. I deliberately went out and bought a men's t-shirt,a size too big, so that my shape would be concealed, since I didn't want to get either a sleazy higher score or a punitive lower score because of the body I happen to have. I do wear little shorts. My legs are not, to the eye of most straight males, much cause for excitement, so I figured exposing them would be ok. I PLANNED my outfit to CONCEAL my body. Think about the outfits of male air guitarists you've seen and then consider my state of mind to make that choice. At the Boston qualifier this year, though, my bra strap fell out of the arm hole of my shirt, and the one male judge on the panel wasted no time commenting on it. He is a comedian and was in character as a sleazy ladies' man, and I didn't feel offended by it because I figured it was part of the character, but that's the direction he went. The two female judges focused on my performance instead and ignored what I was wearing. Parody is one thing. Being the person this parody describes is quite another - and I don't think most men in air guitar think of themselves as that kind of guy! But the comments from judges across the land say otherwise.
And that's the thing. This community, this family, is all people whom I love and with whom I am supremely comfortable. An anecdote from the Nationals weekend that just ended: I own a swimsuit that is a two-piece. It's the only swimsuit I have, and I bought it about 10 pounds ago. Like any other North American white woman under a certain age, I have a complicated relationship with my body, which is to say most of the time I think there's too much of it. Because of this, I have not gone out in public in this swimsuit in about 7 years. At Nationals, one of the weekend's activities was a water park. I nonchalantly tossed on this swimsuit and marched out into the hot sun with all my air guitar friends. I didn't feel judged or even remarked on - I was just another friend in a bathing suit going on waterslides. None of these people would DREAM of giving me a hard time for making it clear that my body features both boobs and a butt. But if I were to get up onstage and do some air guitar, which is ostensibly something totally unrelated to my figure, it would suddenly become an issue, and that drives me crazy.
So, what am I hoping to accomplish here? I wanted to share my experience to add to the chorus - the argument at Nationals was NOT an isolated flare-up of one person's opinion. I'm not alone, either. This has been going on for a while and has happened to many of us. In fact, in the coming days and weeks, some women in the air guitar community are planning to share their stories through this blog - I am proud to be able to facilitate this conversation. And yes, it should be a conversation. I welcome comments on the post or on social media, and while an online conversation is no replacement for an in-person one, a long-form blogpost is at least a step-up from commenting back and forth and not really being able to fully explain yourself.
I don't think people should stop being sexy onstage - it doesn't bother ME - but I understand that some people aren't into that and wish everyone would cover up. Well, that's fine - as long as they mean everybody. Not just the ladies. If you wish the women would stop wearing revealing clothes or shaking booty, consider how you feel about all the shirtless men in tight pants doing pelvic thrusts. I think if you're still playing while you're getting saucy, then way to go. The song says "first I look at the purse"* - I say "first I look at the air guitar."
*somebody do that song please
Stay tuned for more on the subject from other people who have opinions! And feel free to tell me yours, even if it is the opposite of mine, either in the comments here or elsewhere.