You might think that Des Moines wouldn't have as much rock to bring as, say, a larger city. If you're one of my Boston compatriots, you may not even believe in Des Moines as a city and not, say, a cornfield. Sources assure me that Des Moines does exist and does, in fact, rock. And if you think the Des Moines qualifier wouldn't bring much in terms of air guitar greatness, you would be wrong. Just like with the Manhattan qualifier for Boston air guitarists, it's close by and accessible to contestants from other cities - so it's a fantastic second opportunity if you didn't win (or a great practice round if you did... more on that later).
It was, however, a small field. All but one competitor from the first round made it to the second round (considering that one competitor was also disqualified)! So the conclusion to draw here is that everyone in Des Moines is either amazing or terrible. Or too chicken to compete, maybe.
The first air guitarist of the night bore a striking - some might say suspicious - resemblance to Kansas City second-place champ Thunderball. This young gentleman was named... Lightning Nutz. He was really killing it with the audience and doing a fantastic job kicking off the evening... until he used the mic stand to play his air guitar. Now. It is an AIR guitar. You can't use a real, physical guitar, and you can't use a real, physical object that you are pretending is a guitar. You CAN use a pick, but that's it. Mic stands are right out. So young Lightning Nutz was disqualified. Alas.
Following him in swift succession were Stack Hammer, Hurley Burley, Mav Air Rick, The CorpAIRation, Sonic Bitch, and Stack Attack. You may recognize some of these names - The CorpAIRation (as well as controlling America) competed in Kansas City, as did Sonic Bitch. It was also Family Night at Air Guitar, apparently, since Stack Attack and Stack Hammer share not only a similar air name, but also a last name (guess what it is)... and of course you recognize air guitar power couple Sonic Bitch and Thunderball. Can I say "power chord power couple"? I really want to.
photo credit John Jackovin
Everyone but Mav Air Rick, and of course the DQ'd Lightning Nutz, made it through to the second round (sorry for singling you out, Mav Air Rick). The second round song was Mother, also known as "the reason Captain Airhab was communicating solely by growling 'MOTHERRRRR' for the duration while watching on Twitter." Solid choice, Des Moines.
The second round saw the loss of another shirt - competitive air guitar is a dangerous sport if you're a shirt - and some decent scores, but there's nothing like the confidence evinced by BLINDFOLDING YOURSELF with your American flag tie, so you can't even see your invisible guitar, and still shredding. And that is why The CorpAIRation took home the Des Moines title! Second spot and accompanying him to the Chicago US Air Guitar Semi-Final will be Sonic Bitch, meaning that she and Thunderball are both heading to the semis... albeit in different regions. True love is never easy.
Intrigued? Think you can totally do this? Considering signing up next year?
