As of Saturday night, the road to the US Air Guitar National Finals is clear: the last semi-final, the Western one, took place in San Francisco. The roster for Finals competitors is now set, other than Dark Horse competitors who will be decided a couple days before the final... but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's talk about what went down in San Francisco on Saturday.
This semi-final included air guitarists from qualifiers in Portland, San Francisco, LA, San Diego, Santa Cruz, and Tucson, which is really a lot if you think about it. There was no shortage of talent, anyway! There was, however, one important shortage: there was a distinct lack of Tiger Claw. He is a fixture of the San Francisco air guitar scene, and not to have him there was unusual. As it turns out, he had actually had a medical issue arise, and was in the hospital - and is now doing well, thank goodness. But at the time, no one was exactly sure what the situation was, so the competition was dedicated to him, competitors held up a claw in the air instead of pointing up one finger to start their songs, and the crowd was giving the "Claws Up" sign all night long. I love the air guitar family.
Insofar as there were any highlights higher than the Great Claw Tribute Show of 2013, here they are:
- Scores started out low. This was a minus for San Francisco's walk-on qualifier winner, Pops Rockswell, who went first and took the brunt of it. But I'm pretty sure we'll see her back again next year... I certainly hope so.
- Jolly Green Shredding Machine had a flashing codpiece that may have been made out of safety goggles... unclear. At any rate, everyone was staring at his junk.
- Also having his crotch perused was Tony Tapatio, who wore dangerously low-slung pants as part of his ongoing campaign of audience seduction/impregnation.
- Continuing on the "let's discuss the bodies of the competitors" trend, Thirsty Motion from Santa Cruz followed in the tradition of Mathromancer and Van Dammage and used his chest hair to make a statement: specifically, his spelled out USA. Because America.
- Scores started to heat up when Cold Steel Renegade took the stage, back to his usual straight hair and creepstache-free. He snagged a 6.0 from celebrity judge Ben Fong Torres, and that opened the floodgates for some serious scores from him on forwards.
- And once again, we saw the man with the best air guitar name in all of air guitar name history... Seth Leibowitz. You're scratching your head. That sounds like a real name! It is... but it isn't his real name. It's the real name of another air guitarist (Shreddy Mercury) whom he hadn't even met at the time he chose it. If you weren't following air guitar competition last year, this may all be news to you, and we can talk about it later. I've got a recap to finish.
The second round was comprised of Six String General, Lt. Facemelter, Finger Lickin' Good, Cold Steel Renegade, and Seth Leibowitz. They brought stage dives (Facemelter), bunting diapers (also Facemelter), splits (Seth Leibowitz), and, by god, a staple gun. That's right: Six String General STAPLE-GUNNED a sign reading "6.0" to his chest. With real staples. The judges did not comply with that request, though, giving him 5.8s across the board. When all was said and done, though, he was actually the only one of the top 5 not to advance, with the new top-4-advance rule. Your Western US Air Guitar Semi-Final winner was Cold Steel Renegade! Behind him, Lt. Facemelter, Seth Leibowitz, and Finger Lickin' Good. We'll be seeing them all at US Air Guitar Nationals in LA in 2 weeks.
Lt. Facemelter
photo credit Kara Picante
Your next recap from me will be just before that - the Dark Horse competition, for air guitarists who did not win their respective competitions but were still good and deserved another shot, takes place in LA on Thursday, Aug. 15th. I'll be there in person and recapping away - I may even live-tweet if I'm feeling expansive. In case you want to see a little more of that action (and why wouldn't you?) get to following me on Twitter!