Glitter-streaked, sweaty, and exhausted, Team Boston Air Guitar has returned from New York City, where the Northeast Semifinal was just contested on July 1. We upheld two great traditions: being a competitive force to be reckoned with, of course, and packing an unauthorized number of people into a hotel room via the cozy expedient of a megabed. For the purposes of today's recap, I'll focus on the former.
Let me begin by pointing out that I may have missed some stuff. No, not for the reasons you think - I did my best drinking after the competition - but I was live-tweeting on my own Twitter, and also taking lousy pictures on the US Air Guitar Instagram account. Meaning I couldn't just hit "share on Twitter" - rather, I was making 2 posts per competitor. Somehow I still managed to see enough, and therefore to do enough screaming, to have a raggedy voice today.
I will also begin by pointing out that the level of talent was SO HIGH. The scores reflected this - I feel like a 5.6 was about the bottom end of what anyone got, which also means that everyone was fighting in the space of 5 points to differentiate themselves. Well, really that's .5 points, but what I'm driving at is that your scores were basically only going to be marginally different than the air guitarist before or after you.
Shall we dive in to a play-by-play? Shall we stage-dive in? Oh, see what I did there?
Let's start with the judges. I was perturbed to see 4 judges sitting up on the Bowery Ballroom balcony. Surely the establishment events weren't going all crazy now too? But no - while there were 4 judges, only 3 gave scores on any one air guitarist. Phew.
Spudboy started us off. He was a plainclothesman - as plain as you can be wearing this year's Brooklyn Air Guitar shirt, I mean, which does add panache to any wardrobe - because he was convinced to compete at more or less the last minute. His scores were the lowest of the night, in a textbook demonstration of the judging starting rough and getting more generous as the night goes on.
Up next was Long Island's D Apostrophe Spectacle, who looked like IT sent him up to fix your laptop, but in reality he was awesome. I think his skills got drowned out a little bit by going early and also by the tough, tough competition, but definitely one to watch.
Gary made all the straight guys feel confusion in their pants. And rock in their hearts. She was scored with a bunch of 5.6s which is also a bit low (especially considering the types of scores that started coming out of the judges later on). I am confident she'll be back again next year; hopefully she gets to go later and her talent is better recognized.
Rocka Khan started off his routine by escaping from handcuffs. That is impressive, but dude, you only have one minute!
Then, suddenly, the high scores dam broke, and rightly so, because Windhammer took the stage. I thought last year was the outlier since he had chucked the chaps-and-no-shirt look in favor of just regular clothes, but that might be the new normal. Doesn't matter. He may not look QUITE as likely to burn down your house with you in it, but he still rocks just as hard and just as precisely. I tweeted that his slew of 5.8s and 5.9s was a shoo-in for the second round barring something shocking, but it turned out to not be as sure a thing as all that! Some HIGH scores were coming up.
For instance, Airistotle went next. He is the mayor of high energy pop punk, and he did NOT disappoint. He wasn't the 2012 US Champ for nothing. He nabbed two 6.0s and a 5.9. Side note, I'm so glad he's still competing his way through the entire system. I feel like this year, there should have been more air guitarists who HAD to compete and didn't have a pass through to one level or another, but instead they are offstage, either waiting to step in at a later point, or "retired" (which... stop doing that. Get back out there on the stage and compete).
Boston stalwart The Dead Ghost of Operation Rockapussy (I know, it was the "dark ghost" back in Boston, the situation is rapidly evolving) probably suffered a bit from following Airistotle, as who wouldn't. He got 5.7s and 5.8s.
When I tweeted about Smiley Rod, I was greeted with a chorus of "Who's Smiley Rod?" - I don't think he's new this year, guys! That said, this is why we have the new setup. Someone who might not have come in first in their regional would never have gone outside of their immediate area unless they happened to get a Dark Horse invite and actually be able to make the trip to wherever Nationals was. Now, their performances are highlighted at semifinals for the world to see. This evening, he executed a perfect guitar throw and catch - so many people miss a couple notes before they catch it - and the judges felt the same way, rewarding him with two 5.9s and a 6.0.
There's something very tidy about Ricky Stinkfinger playing something funky. I'm pretty sure he smells kind of funky too. The judges gave him the exact same score they gave Airistotle!
Dr. Rocktopus came out in a doctor's coat, but underneath it was the uniform of a rock god.
Mathromancer delighted the crowd with his signature pi chest hair and really cool pants, and
me with not one but two well-timed knee drops. The judges, inexplicably, felt that this only warranted a 5.7 and two 5.8s. Do you see the kind of scores we are talking about here? In what world should this be considered an "only"?
DTT did Boston proud with straight 5.8s. His evolution from full-on Danny Tanner schtick to now just a nod to that with his Danny Tanner t-shirt has been awesome. I like a good schtick but it's more important to show your skills, and that is 100% what he is doing.
Rockupine had come in second to him in Boston. This evening, though, he glitter leaped over him for a 5.7, 5.9, and 6.0, and possibly one judge's phone number for later.
This year, G Tso Money made a triumphant return to the stage, which may be his last hurrah for a while - and did it with a routine that started out as a hoedown, and ended up as a throwdown.
Captain Airhab surprisingly didn't do his signature back bend, but didn't disappoint his fans since he still blew beer out of his corncob pipe.
Finally, MARTEEKA closed out the first round with an acrobatic performance that resulted in me being soaked in beer - that's a plus, people - and the song was some heavy version of "Timber." Yes, the Kesha song. What even is this world we live in?
Halftime! I'm not going to go into great detail, but just know that Vlad DM Wailer made the trip out, and at one point Nordic Thunder was lying on the ground under him, drinking beer that poured off his belly. That's all you really need to know about anything.
Second round! Look at this lineup. G Tso, Rockupine, Windhammer, Smiley Rod, Ricky Stinkfingers, and Airistotle. Whoa, right? Right.
Scores were so tight that the slightest difference made a big impact. Everyone tried to differentiate themselves. G Tso whipped his shirt off and tied it around his neck, Rockupine blindfolded himself, Smiley Rod jumped off a chair - but the most exciting twist I think was by Windhammer. He recognized, which no one else did, that the song was not just one guitar part. There was a lead and a rhythm guitar. Rather than playing everything, therefore, he picked one part and thoroughly nailed THAT. This also meant he stood still in the middle of the stage, staring the audience down, for the first 20 seconds. Everyone was losing their mind and while he got what would normally be a great score - 6.0, 5.9, 5.8 - that last 5.8 was JUST low enough to be a problem. Airistotle and Ricky Stinkfingers went on to crush the song as well, despite playing all of it, and ultimately Windhammer was pushed out of the top 3.
And that top 3 was, in ascending order, Smiley Rod, Ricky Stinkfingers, and Airistotle! They'll head onto the US National Finals in Kansas City August 9th. We will SEE THEM THERE!
all photos mine, except Windhammer by Richard Anderson