The season is over, the planes are flying home with tired, smelly, and extremely happy air guitarists on them, and that means it's time for a recap of the 2014 Air Guitar World Championships. Once again, I wasn't there; once again, I watched it live, as much as I could with the livestream dying on me constantly, and made do with recordings for the parts I missed. And now I am here for you. I would've been here for you earlier, but I missed a couple of performances and was waiting to see if video of them would appear. It did not, so I'm shamefully totally unaware of how their performance went down.
First things first, I want to point out that the judging was all over the place. And I don't just mean that people I thought should do well didn't, and other people I wasn't that taken with got great scores. That would just mean that my criteria for a good performance was different from that of the judges, which is fine. But instead, sometimes the judges and I saw eye to eye, and sometimes they were wayyyy off (in my humble opinion). It's tough to understand their choices, since at the world championships level, they don't give commentary. And I know there would be language barriers all over the place, but I wonder if it wouldn't make them more consistent if they did have to speak their piece before giving a score. It would certainly make them more comprehensible to people like me. Do you think it would help? Let me know!
So! Onward into the competitors!
Round 1
Going first, and finally being first at something (I can't take credit for that joke but I can't remember whose it was... good one, whoever you were), Doug "The Thunder" Stroock. His hair was majestic, his bicep kisses manly, and his guitar-swallowing move as awesome as ever - although the judges were VERY mixed on him. I didn't get most people's actual individual scores from the judges, but I did see his, and while he got two 5.8s, he also got a 5.4 (meh!) and, unbelievably, a 5.0 and a 4.9. Now, they throw out the top and bottom scores, so that did for the 4.9, but the damage was done.
The Ninja
photo by Aleksi Ollila
The Ninja, going second, for (surprise!) Japan, was a lot of fun to watch. He won his way onto the world stage by getting straight sixes in the Dark Horse, and you could see why. True to his namesake, he made moves like he was slashing and stabbing with a sword, but with a guitar instead. Very cool! And he also faked out everyone with a wig, which he ditched partway through to reveal his gleaming bald dome. Someone in the chat room called that a Jean-Luc Pickguard move; I'd disagree, since the reverse is his move - going from bald to hair - which is honestly much more rare. But the Ninja got all 5.7s and 5.9s, so no one could argue this was a case of early scores holding someone back.
G. Tso Money was rocking for Taiwan this year. It doesn't matter; he's still part of the family! I didn't get to see his performance, unfortunately (blame the feed! I'm not sulking because he "defected"!), but from what I understand, he tried something different from what he had done at the Dark Horse, and the judges didn't love it.
Windhammer, classic mode
photo by Maria Lax
Windhammer was up next. Regular readers of this blog and/or followers of me on social media will be aware that I disagreed with just about every score Windhammer has gotten this year, specifically thinking that he was robbed at every possible opportunity. Looks like he was not robbed at the Finland Dark Horse, because he made it to the World Championships, which I would file under "about damn time." He came out onstage rocking the "Classic Windhammer" look - shaved head, no shirt, leather chaps, no glasses to mar the gimlet stare, which I feel was an excellent choice! Maybe the US Air Guitar family knows and recognizes that persona and it's unnecessary, and he can come out with regular clothes on and we still understand, but the world stage has not yet seen him in his full terrifying glory, so well done to him for bringing that fury. And fury it was. He was a little more mobile all over the stage and displayed a little more rock emotion than usual, but I consider this to be another smart choice: the bigger stage and huger crowd require a bit of an exaggerated performance. Just like they say about acting for stage vs tv or film: on camera, you raise your eyebrows 3 inches. Onstage, you raise them 3 feet.
Another legend next: Moredrive, from Germany. He, too, came in via the Dark Horse (we're at the beginning of the program, here, it's all dark horses for a minute). And out he comes as... Conchita Wurst's younger, more rock 'n' roll sister? He worked the babe angle for all it was worth - which is another reason I'd like to hear commentary from the judges; just how much IS it worth? - and played a mashup, because that continues to be a thing. He had some huge moves, perhaps on the same theory I expounded above, but the problem was that the song didn't, I felt, warrant that level of bombast. The judges felt ok about it, though.
MARTEEKA crowdfunded her way to Oulu and I'm thrilled that she did. She also tied with Windhammer in the Dark Horse and earned her berth on the world stage. The judges, alas, did not love her performance, and she got disappointing scores. Although, grain of salt, no score can really be disappointing at this level. Even if you wind up low on the ranks, you're just lower on the ranks than the rest of the best air guitarists in the world. The least of the best is still better than most of everybody else.
The Bandit, from the UK, was the other competitor I didn't see. The feed was just not doing me any favours; at least if someone made the second round, I got to see that, since it was working for me at that point. Since I did not see him at all, it means his scores didn't quite suffice to get him into round 2.
Belgium sent Airgus to compete - he came as a Dark Horse, but there was no Belgian national champ in the finals, so we'll call him their representative. He came out as a zombie and worked that in his routine - it was as if his limbs had a mind of their own and he was surprised at their movements, which I found very effective. When he left the stage, he jumped down into the media pit and started trying to bite people. He got a 6.BRAAAAIIIINNNSSS. Or he would have if this was an American competition. In real life his scores added up to 16.8, which is not bad but also not the best ever.
Seven Seas came in as the Japanese national champion. She's 19 and all arms and legs - like a lady Airistotle - and her moves called him to mind as well, bounding all over the stage. She, like The Ninja, did some swordplay moves; unlike him, her sword was a sword and she wasn't doing swordplay with a guitar. She had one of the most epic back bends I've ever seen, sorry Airhab, and she was really clearly having a GREAT time up there. The judges loved it, and so did I, although I thought the sword business was carried off better by The Ninja. She didn't need it!
The defending world champion ascended the stage next: Mean Melin, with a new routine involving STABBING THE GUITAR THROUGH HIMSELF, complete with dripping blood sounds, but that wasn't even the highlight for me. My highlight was just how he nailed everything, each move right on time (that's tricky), just big enough to be obvious from the back of a huge crowd without overdoing it, and how he did something really difficult: owning the stage while staying more or less in one place the whole time. He didn't seem trapped like some people do when they stick to one spot. You guys, he is so, so good. The judges concurred. There was at least one 6.0 involved.
The German champion, Lady Liberty, now had two very tough acts to follow. It wasn't any easier that she had crafted her routine such that the first 30 seconds she wasn't even playing a guitar. When she started playing, it was pretty good, but she just didn't have enough to do to compete with her two predecessors. Her scores, in a very clear display of "wtf" from the judges, had her ahead of Airgus and Moredrive, and tied with Windhammer. That sounds like I'm being harsh on Lady Liberty, but she did half a routine. This is saying that Windhammer's turn was equivalent to half a routine, and that a half routine was better than those other two gentlemen's full routines (to say nothing of the earlier competitors who got smoked for going early). I DON'T KNOW, YOU GUYS.
Up next, Bulgaria's Air Grinder. I kind of really want to call him "Air Grindr" because sex jokes are funny, and also because I am assured by reliable sources that he's very good-looking. The feed let me down in that regard, but that shouldn't matter anyway, right everyone? He did a lot of muscle-man-on-the-beach posing in between playing. I felt that his chops would win a qualifier and give a good account of himself at a semifinal but that's about as far as that would go, here. Judges were with me on that and gave him average scores.
The British contender, Boy Named Sue, brought a really intense rock face and a lot of energy; the judges brought her some 5.3s and a lowish overall score.
And now, a Canadian! Brymtime was the Canadian national champ, which it was nice to see them send someone after not doing so for a few years. I hope this marks a resurgence of competitive air guitar in Canada. He prowled onto the stage in a tiger suit and did acrobatics all over the place and I just wish it was more about air guitar and less about being a member of Cats. I'm sorry, that's unkind, but it's schtick, and at this level, you can't win on schtick (I happen to think you can't win any level on schtick, but judges across the land disagree with me there and that's ok). The judges here were also pretty into it. He got the third-highest score so far, right behind Seven Seas and Melin.
Airistotle now took his turn. Talk about joyful air guitar. I think that might be my favourite thing about him in general. Sure, he's got energy for days, he makes the most of his limbsy frame by throwing all his arms and legs around (and somehow remaining in control and in time), but the key to it all is the obvious good time he's having throughout. I mean, he mouthed "oh my godddd" when the song started to kick in. P.S., He wore a Ninja Turtles shirt because KNOCK KNOCK, everyone was about to get SHELL SHOCKED. The judges were into it! Once again I managed to catch his scores, and I can tell you he pulled in a 5.8, 6.0, 5.9, 5.7, 5.9. VERY solid. That tied him for third going into the second round.
The last competitor of round 1 now appeared: The Destroyer, from the Netherlands. He was a snazzy dude in a suit with no shirt. He started strong, but his song was - alas - a mashup, and once it went into the second part, he lost some momentum, and to me it just never recovered what he had at the beginning. I wish he had just played the one song! But I guess he knew his audience: the judges gave him some pretty decent scores and he slotted in at 5th place going into round 2.
Halftime
World Championships takes the top 10 competitors to round 2 (maybe making up for how their Dark Horse does not even have a second round?) so the competitors were, in descending order, Seven Seas, Melin, Airistotle, Brymtime, The Ninja, The Destroyer, Windhammer, Lady Liberty, Moredrive, and Airgus. But first, it was time for halftime, which was, as usual, partly totally loony, and partly heartwarming. There was some baffling pop song performance, there was the "Screaming Men's Chorus" which totally blew me away, and there were recent world champions wishing a happy birthday to their prize guitar and telling us all where it was today. The funny part is that they were all saying "Happy birthday, Flying Finn!" and I thought it was the actual human person Flying Finn's birthday at first. Duh to me. And then, the most heartwarming part of all, a Russian air guitarist, Devilseducer, and a Ukrainian air guitarist, Baron Horse-Stealer, took the stage to do air guitar battle (and they were both really good, you guys), and ended with them playing together and crushing a song and sending a big old world peace message in so doing. I love it when AGWC gets all political.
Round 2
Onward into round 2! The song was (finally) a pretty decent rocker, and right in the wheelhouses of the more bouncy and energetic air guitarists among the second rounders. Not that the others couldn't hang - it is the mark of a talented air guitarist that they can "play against type" when needed.
Some folks continued their first round action - Moredrive kept up his Conchita thing and was all legs fah dayz ked, Destroyer got crazy and added a pit sniff and a double-neck section to his repertoire, The Ninja did the wig removal thing again (no one is fooled now, dude!), and Brymtime came out in a handstand, because of course he did.
But there was some interesting new stuff too: Airgus, who ultimately did not overcome his low scores coming into this round, did some "guitar climbing" (for lack of a better term) hand movements that I feel like were very much a nod to Lt. Facemelter, which was bolstered by the fact that he ripped open his shirt to reveal a LFM t-shirt underneath. How much do I love all these international air guitarists tipping the hat to each other's routines? A lot. A whole lot.
Lady Liberty also improved upon her first round by showing what it would have been like if she had played the full minute, but she ditched the blazer she had been wearing to reveal her American flag dress in all its glory... which was essentially two flags sewed together with a neck-hole. This isn't a fashion show and I don't really care on its own merits, but there is one important thing to pay attention to here and that's that the baggy proportions totally obscured her arm movements. There's a reason people wear tight or revealing clothes in this sport: so their body movements can actually be discerned.
Windhammer's second round was about big movements - he had a huge finish to the song with his second knee-drop of the routine - but got kind of lowballed again. I thought the judges here would be big into his technical prowess, so it did come as a surprise.
Airistotle, round 2
photo by Aleksi Ollila
Airistotle came out into this one probably feeling pretty good! This song was great for him and he did a great job, pulling in quite a few signature moves, but my favourite part was how he started by hitting an air pedal, which makes me so happy when someone does that. It doesn't happen NEARLY enough. Plus it vindicates my choice to do that this year, ha. I'm just like Stot, you guys! ANYWAY, he got huge scores, well deserved: 5.9, 6.0, 6.0, 5.9, 5.8.
Melin once again proved that, like last year, he has great control and can go nuts without looking at any point like the song's going to get away from him. I was losing my mind over him and Airistotle. The judges were largely also pretty overjoyed, giving him a pair of 5.8s and a pair of 5.9s, and a totally weird and incomprehensible 5.2. Doesn't matter - as the low score, that's thrown out - but seriously, what?
But you want to talk about the risk of losing control, I think that's what Seven Seas was going for here. So many times in her second-round performance, I thought she was going to just careen right off the stage or wipe out - especially when she did the move like her guitar was rocking out so hard it was dragging her around - and, while very good, I didn't think it warranted the two 6.0s she got. She also got a 5.5 (which was low), a 5.7, and a 5.9, and I feel like something around the 5.7-5.8 range would have been the right choice here. Anyone who wants to say 5.7 is a low score can take a hike; I won't stand for that kind of snobbery.
So, what happened but she and Airistotle wound up tied for first! Just like last year, it would come down to an air-off! They faced off once again across a song that worked well for both of them. Here, my bias towards my friends may be showing itself; I feel that Airistotle acquitted himself a bit better than Seven Seas, while they were both very good. But we saw a lot of the same moves again from her, tons of windmilling, and that backbend move again (it's really cool, but it's also really identifiable, so you notice if you just saw it an hour ago!). The judges, though, loved it just as much the second time around, and she got slightly higher scores, which translated to a total of .3 over Airistotle's score. This meant, and means, that...
Seven Seas is your new World Champion!
Seven Seas, signature backbend move
photo credit Aleksi Ollila
And hey, my nitpicking aside, she was VERY good and totally deserves her title, and the whole happy family now welcomes her to the ranks - and I'm looking forward to seeing what she brings next year, defending her title at the 20th anniversary Air Guitar World Championships!